Thursday, February 14, 2013

Board Gaming for Non-Geeks

NoteThis post is in no way safe for work, safe around kids, safe around wives or for anyone with common decency or delicate natures. 

In continuing effort to bond and develop positive interactions with my family, I have recently been on a bit of a board game kick.  Video games have long progressed beyond my interest in them - and role-playing games are best left as marital aids.  Talking is out.  I mean, who wants to hear about work, school, and friend related drama all day every day? 

What else is there? 

What's that?  You assumed that board games were either endless Monopoly variants or some type of crazy wargame played by sweaty guys named Ernie and Wallace Quiverlip, Masters of the Painted Miniature?  Yeah.  Me, too.  But board games have come a long way, baby. 

Pick a theme and there is certain to be a game out there waiting to be played.

Like tits - and the horny and lonely who wish to see a pair. 

"Busen Memo is a memorization game, not dissimilar from Memory and Concentration. Here you must find the matching left and right breasts of 48 women."

Tits?  Seriously??

It is hard enough to break the chains of nerdy stereotypes without something like Busen Memo coming along and setting the entire gaming community back forty years.  Sadly, I know exactly what the suffragettes and women libbers felt like. 

... And, considering their constant shame, professional wrestling fans.

Were I inspired enough, I would design and Kickstart an equal opportunity doppelganger game.

"Dicks and Pricks® is a memorization game, not dissimilar from Memory and Concentration. Here you must find the matching (and anatomically correct!) penis to the 24 men who love them.  Uh-oh!  Looks like someone's got Genital Warts!  Just who can it be?"

Matching this Dick to this Prick
is worth 10 points!
It would sell millions.

And if an endorsement deal can be worked out with Snoop Droopy Dick, this game stands a great chance of cracking the 'Urban Markets'.

Kind of like All My Baby Mamas.    

But I am not even inspired enough to do follow-ups on Pee Pants Boy.  You expect a fun, yet socially challenging gender politics game such as Dicks and Pricks®?  Pfft.  You ask a lot.

Instead I will be giving run downs on a small handful of board games these next few weeks.  Hopefully, games that are interesting enough to inspire my many readers and followers.

... Because so many of them are slackers.   

*  If I happen to see Spectrum Games stealing this idea, I am calling my lawler. 


  1. Good Lord, Eric! LMAO!!!!!!!

    You always bring to light the off the wall stuff and I like it. I had no idea there was a game like Busen Memo available. Apparently, I am behind on my game collection. I can only hope that there are expansions that include Moobs (man boobs, BBs (banana boobs), and all sorts of other varieties. Maybe those would just be for tournament play - what do you say?

    Dicks & Pricks is definitely a game that should have designed long ago. There is no doubt that you could expand on the idea with various skin tones, leaners, small, short, inbetweeners, piercings, STDs, erect vs. limp, etc. The possibilities are endless!

    On a serious note, I look forward to your upcoming board gaming posts. I am super excited that it is not about Monopoly also - woohoo!

  2. Before discovering the geeky shit load of board games, I - like a lot of people, was under the impression that the hobby was broken down into Family Games and War Games.

    Chutes and Ladders, the Game of Life, Clue, Sorry, Monopoly - straight into Stratego, Risk, Axis & Allies, and then minutely detailed recreations of Robert E. Lee's burrito runs against overworked taco farmers.

    How little I knew.

    Busen Memo is the tip of the iceberg, let me tell you.

    If I was any more outraged by its mere existence, I'd probably end up selling my copy.

    1. Dicks & Pricks®, on the other hand...

      A little known fact is that these board game publishers milk their fan bases for all their worth by releasing endless expansions to their supposedly finished 'base games'.

      Dicks & Pricks® could be expanded in so many ways so as to include all ethnic, religious, and political backgrounds.

      * Dicks & Pricks®: Urban Gangstas!®
      * Dicks & Pricks®: Blasters of the Orient®
      * Dicks & Pricks®: Jesus Christ Superstar edition®
      * Dicks & Pricks®: Vote RePUBICians!®
      * Dicks & Pricks®: Jersey Shore All-Stars!®

      You could market them to those wild and crazy Girls Gone Wild producers. Not to mention a perfect gift for Sweet 16 party favors.

      It's gold.

    2. Busen Memo is just the tip of the iceberg?! Oh my...I can't wait to discover the

      I can see you've put a lot of thought into this whole Dicks & Pricks thing!!!! Not just gold but PURE GOLD!